Monday, February 13, 2012

2nd Intro Graf to Cause Essay

2nd Intro Graf to Cause Essay

Deep in the desert of Africa, sparse, light-brown vegetation randomly dots the dry, light-brown terrain.  The incessant sun glares down, threatening to scorch any who dare to venture out in the unbearable heat of mid-day.  In the midst of this scene, a skinny, middle-aged white woman sits upon an uncomfortable, makeshift seat in the back of a big, old, minimally-maintained cargo truck, barely protected from the glaring sunshine by a thin tarp as she travels to her destination.  She is jostled continually as the vehicle maneuvers through a land where roads are more a pseudonym than a reality.  Her journey is not unlike those traveled by the early pioneers in their covered wagons as they bravely ventured across the wilderness to a new land.  In fact, her bravery is much like that of her pioneer sisters, though her journey in such difficult circumstances is shorter and with a different purpose.  So, who is this woman, where is she going, and why?  This woman, whom we shall call Rachel, is going on what may be her journey of a lifetime.  A year prior to this, she never would have imagined herself in this situation.  To her, the events leading to this point in her life are almost miraculous.  In fact, Rachel’s unusual adventure is the result of a series of events that began with a public presentation, followed by a chance encounter, which culminated in an unexpected gift – all of which made her trip to Africa possible. 

2 comments:

  1. I hope I have a chance to work with you in ENG 162 or 262, Creative Nonfiction and Advanced C NH.

    Always fun to work with someone who enjoys words and writing. Sometimes strengths can turn into weakness when they are overdone--I'd say the passage below is overwritten, too clotted with adjectives. Less is often more--you give the reader enough to get them imagining the scene, and then you trust the reader to carry on from there.

    "The incessant sun glares down, threatening to scorch any who dare to venture out in the unbearable heat of mid-day. In the midst of this scene, a skinny, middle-aged white woman sits upon an uncomfortable, makeshift seat in the back of a big, old, minimally-maintained cargo truck, barely protected from the glaring sunshine by a thin tarp as she travels to her destination."

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